I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
