please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
