Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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