She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
