i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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