I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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