I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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