sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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