my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
