im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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