Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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