you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
