Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
im on a boat
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