and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
