i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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