Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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