Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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