she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
