Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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