can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the day after is always just damage control
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
