I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
