So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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