Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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