Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
