my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
