i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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