He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
