I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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