WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
