remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
