He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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