I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sorry about my life...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
