ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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