He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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