Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
