She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
