I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
last night I used snow as a chaser
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
