If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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