bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
