I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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