im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
