whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
