you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
