He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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