In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize