The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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