I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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