I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
