I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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