I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
