if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize