Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my poor anus
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
