Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
