you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
