Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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