Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
