why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
