im about as happy as oj after his trial
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
