I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
