So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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