Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
