what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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