On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
