i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
