god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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