I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize