your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
