Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i came on her dog
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
