I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
