im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
