We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
