There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
