the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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