Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
