so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
someone get that fucking seahorse.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
