Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
