I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize