i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize