I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
