He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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