If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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