Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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