I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
