Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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