he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
