stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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