Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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