The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
