some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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