I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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