I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
