brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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