I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize