The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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