Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
