May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
