can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
