did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
where are you?
Hypothermia
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
