2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
