I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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