its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
