that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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