The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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