I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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