meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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