Quick, to the slutcave!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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