just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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