My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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