my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
