sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
