a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
