I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
