It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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