I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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