she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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