She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
