This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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