So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize